sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
