dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
