even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize