My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
