I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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