I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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