Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
