it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
