:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
