I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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