So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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