mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
