I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize