How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize