It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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