Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
