so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize