my phone cant type all the emotion im having
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
