i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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