How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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