My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
