Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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