you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he thought i was a dude.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
