Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize