he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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