there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
