This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
