I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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