My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
