New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize