Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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