idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
