I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
