I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
