I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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