Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
