RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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