if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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