So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
