then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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