so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
