i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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