yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
