I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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