He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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