the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
