what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
