I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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