sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
