Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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