cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
