White coat. Heels.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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