It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
