like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
worst night to have a conscience
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
