let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
