im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
