Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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