Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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