Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
