the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
