Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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