He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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