i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize