So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
