you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
