Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Randomize
