he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize