Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
