Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
