Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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