There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
