i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize