he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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