do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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