You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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