Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm like, not good at living.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
