you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
