Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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