i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
