the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she told me i tasted like america
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
