Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize