No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
