Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
