me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
