I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
