OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
