im drinking this country out of the recession.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
