dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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