3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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