hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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