saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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