Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize