Pappa wants mamma naked
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize