so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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