Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
