Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize