Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Help. Why am I so naked?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
