I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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