I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize