Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
