My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm like, not good at living.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
