someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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