Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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