i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
