guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
