His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
