mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize